Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Starting to Wonder if Relationships Really are Worth It?!?

I have had my fair share of BAD relationships for the past 12 years.  I was divorced at 25 after being married at 18.  Right after that relationship, I jumped right into another one, don't ask me why, but I did.  I moved right in with him and the first couple of weeks went great and then the hell started.  I was a human punching bag that not only was constantly being punched, but I was stabbed twice, burned, cut, just about any thing you could imagine, he put me through it.  Getting out of that relationship was one of the hardest because I was like his dog that he watched constantly.  I could not even wake up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without him there with me.  I literaly had to run out the back door, do the sniper crawl, and go to a neighbors house to call the authorities.  I was never so happy to be able to actually breathe again.  It took me about eight months before I thought about getting in to another relationship.  This guy promised me the world, said he had a home, a job, a car.  When I moved to NY to be with him, he had none of the above, so I lived on the streets for two weeks until I mustered up wnough courage to ask for help from the Welfare office.  I had a home and food in my belly within two days and this guy, who failed to tell me he was married, would leave for days at a time saying he was going off to work and was actually going home to his wife.  The jerk that I am currently living with knew what I had been through because we were friends before anything, and one day he used the famous line, why don't you get with me and I will show you how a real man treats a woman.  Well, were together for five years until a couple things happened.  First off, he had sexual relations with the next door neighbor, and when I told her boyfriend, they of course denied it.  She came in to my house and after being asked to leave, attacked me.  I am not stupid, I let her throw the first punch then of course faught back.  The man I am living with, held me down so that the neighbors could beat on me and I could not fight back.  He took my phone, disabled my car, and because he was afraid that he was going to get his butt kicked, took it out on me and choked me.  I am physically alright, but I have promised myself no more relationships.  I have my two daughters to raise, try and get my degree, (which right now is harder than it should be).  I do not have time to have another man in my life.  My experiences have been nothing but bad, and honestly, I know that I  am a really good person, I do not need anyone in my life telling me different.
Wow, I guess I have said enough...hope i did not bore anyone.


  1. Bonnie you didn't bore me . I can say that I know how you feel .I have never been hit but when someone calls you names and they keep you hidden it hurts just as much as getting hit. I have had my share of men doing me wrong . I have been told I am a good person , that i would make a good wife , but the one man who acted like he care got someone else pregnant and now he is going to marry her so he can be with the kid . I feel so stupid because he keeps coming in and out of my life telling me I am a good person i mean a lot to him , but he has to be with his son. I am trying to get my school work done and take care of my son . He knows this and he knows I what him to be with his son , but I don't think he knows what he wants . Before him I was with a guy who wife left him and he wanted to see me , so I did well he started seeing someone else I had a feeling he was and he was . She found out about me and got pissed off well I told her everything I had proof where he bought me flowers and a video . She is still with him and he hasn't talked to me in over two years now . I don't care . It just hurt i have lived alone now with my son for 7 years now . No man in my house i don't let them get near my son he wants a dad to bad . Well hope I didn't bore you if you need some one to talk to I am here .

  2. Angie, of course you did not bore me. I don't know why, but I have been in some type of abusive relationship my whole life. Until military CPS got involved, my mother used me as her human punching bag. I got married at 18 to get out of the house because my step-father had raped me for 5 years. When I informed my mother of this, of course she denied it and had no contact with me until I got pregnant with my son, then she wanted to be a part of my life. Like I said before, my ex husband was an alcoholic and drug addict, who used his family's money to get the best lawyer he could and pretty much took my son away from me so that he would always have a part of me with him. I have been doing ALOT of thinking and honestly, I think I would be much better off without a man in my life. They always tell you lies to get what they want and once they have it, they pretty much treat you like crap. I don't want my two girls to have to experience that, it is not fair to them. I may take you up on your offer, this is not going to be easy starting all over again with no family or friends to help me out, and having to raise two little girls alone.
    Take care.